any good jokes or stories

[Guest]

I’m bored, tell me a joke or story

[Guest]

Why did the lime cross the road?
2 get to the Corona... Waka Waka

[Guest]

what goes well with corona virus

lymes disease

[Guest]

my hockey career

[Guest]

my hockey career

Is that a joke, or a story?

[Guest]

Q: What's the difference between a hockey game and a boxing match? A: In a hockey game, the fights are real.
Q: How do you know a leper is playing ice hockey? A: There's a 'face-off' in the corner.
Q: What do Columbus Blue Jackets and the Titanic have in common? A: They both look good until they hit the ice!
Q: How did the blonde fisherman die? A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni! Why do NHL players never sweat? They have too many fans!
Q: Why is the hockey rink hot after the game? A: Because all the fans have left.
Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He always gets nailed to the boards.
Q: What do you call a monkey that wins the Stanley Cup? A: A chimpion.
Q: Which are the best animals at hockey? A: A score-pion.
Q: What did the skeleton drive to the Hockey game? A: A Zam-bony. The other day, when I was watching a boxing match on TV, a hockey game broke out!
Q: Why don't hockey players drink tea? A: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and the Atlanta Thashers? A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while! Always kiss a hockey player cuzz other athletes play with their balls

[Guest]

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it?"

The little boy nodded yet again.

"Good." said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

[Guest]

Hockey fans, you know what I mean.

It is Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

“No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup, and not use it?”

The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, a relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?

The man shook his head. "No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

The first jockstrap in ice hockey was introduced in 1874. The helmet was first obligatory in 1974.

So it took precisely 100 years before men realized that the brain eventually could be useful too.

[Guest]

Imagine.... If 10 year's ago.. you were approached by a (Time Traveler) and he was like.. "LOOK" I dont have much time to explain. All I can tell you is in the year 2020 and it will be a sh..t show. Do you know who Donald Trump is....? You know the star of the Apprentice...? He will be the president of the United states. And at the start of the year 2020 he will get into a Twitter Beef with Iran leader and almost start WW3. Australia catches on fire and some lady trys to save it by selling pictures of her Boobies. Kobe Bryant dies in a helicopter crash half the world is devastated, the other half are making messed up memes. A little time has passed and just a the world is recovering from the loss of Kobe. Some dude in (China) eats a (Raw Bat) and starts a (Global Pandemic) that Specifically kills grandmother, & grandfather, Everyone loses their mind. 40% of the population thinks it's the end of the world. The other 40% just thinks its all (Fake) and 20% blames it on (Cellphone towers and Tom Hanks kids). The 1 thing everyone seems to agree on is that the only way to survive is by (Hoarding Toilet Paper) Grocery are  Ransacked and (Charman ultra soft) essentially replaces the dollar as the United States official currency.  Eventually as hysteria grows, World Governments are forced to shut down the entire planet and lock everyone in their homes and the only person that can stop the people from freaking out and starting huge riots is.... A Gun...Toting.. Homosexual....Oklahoma...man with a meth addiction and 180 pet tiger's...

I'd be like... here's a dollar now get away from me you Crackhead..