Author Topic: How to handle problem Fathers?  (Read 15329 times)

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How to handle problem Fathers?
Topic: January 24, 2023, 02:51:57 PM
I have been around hockey my entire life- played as a youth and now coach my child. I have seen an increase in problems with hockey fathers especially at the mite and squirt level. hese fathers also happen to be ex-players and think they know everything. I think everyone knows these types of fathers: Screaming at their kids from puck drop to final horn, complaining about the coaching, pointing out mistakes other players make and worst of all selfishly applauding if their kid scores even if the team was crushed. I have seen fathers slam their kids against a wall because they played a bad game. Children of these problem fathers are crying before they get off the ice because they know they are in for a long drive home. One father walks into locker room after every game his kid scores, has a grin ear to ear, congratulates his son because he scored, and ignores the fact the team lost by 9 goals. Never mind the fact that his son played a terrible game and was on the ice for 9 of the 10 goals the other team scored.  I cut a few kids this year because of their parents, only to find out 2 players I took had worse parents.

This is a huge issue in hockey. What are others thoughts on this?
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Reply #1:
 January 26, 2023, 11:15:54 AM
Why is the father in the locker room?   That is a safe sport violation.
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Reply #2:
 January 26, 2023, 11:52:09 AM
I think this probably is everywhere now unfortunately. Not just hockey or sports. IMO, there is nothing you can do because it will be turned on you and it sounds like these types of parents are never going to accept that they are in the wrong nor will their kid ever make it to the NHL
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hockeydad321

Reply #3:
 January 26, 2023, 01:09:51 PM
Same thing on our team. Player and dad think player is the best on team. Not shy about telling parents, coaches and teammates kid is best and carries team. Insulting to teammates and other parents. Kid not well liked due to being a braggart! Kid is good, but not best. Too aggressive and out of position constantly. Dad thinks kid is Tier 1 player and carries team. Not true as kid cut from Tier 1 team in March and cut from this Springs Elite team that is all Tier 1 players. Kid is un-coachable/only listens to "beer league" dad. Dad constantly yelling at son and arguing with coaches gets annoying very quickly. If son has bad game, both make excuse and say entire team played bad. Again, insulting to teammates/other parents. Getting bad reputation at multiple rinks. Very sal situation. Impossible to stand near at games. Other parents want them out next year.
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Reply #4:
 January 26, 2023, 02:18:02 PM
I think this probably is everywhere now unfortunately. Not just hockey or sports. IMO, there is nothing you can do because it will be turned on you and it sounds like these types of parents are never going to accept that they are in the wrong nor will their kid ever make it to the NHL

Agreed and it is not limited to fathers, moms are just as bad. Hell, the grandfather of one of the girls on my daughter's soccer team acts up at some of the games. He'll yell at the ref and I've overheard him talking shit on some of the other players and the coach. When my parents come to games, they just want to see their grandkids play and could care less about anything else.
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Reply #5:
 January 30, 2023, 07:12:42 AM
Coaches can be a BIG problem as well. Over the weekend I over heard our head coach tell the one goalie his last two loses were the goalies fault. The 1st one was against the #1 seed while we are at the bottom. We were outshot 15-2 in the 1st period and 26-8 after the 2nd, the goalie got pulled after the 2nd down 3-0 with the final score 4-1with a final shot total of 34-17. The second game that was the goalies "fault" we played an all around good 1st period with an even shot total and a score of 0-0. As soon as the puck dropped in the 2nd the team stopped playing, the goalie held his own for the 1st 4-5min of the 2nd before the wheels came off and we were outshot 4-1 after the 1st losing 7-0. I can tell you my son was one of the many skaters that just stood and watched his goalie get fired on by open shooter after open shooter. I feel bad for the goalie being told it was all his fault, knowing in a close game you want him in net. He is 2-2 in games we score only 2 goals in, the other goalie is 0-5 and is praised by the coaches. In games we score 3 or more the at fault goalie is 5-1 and the other is 8-1 while they are a combined 0-17 when we score 1 goal or less. I'm the team statistician and I'm confused on how the goalie is to blame, should I approach the coach about this? I feel blaming any one player is wrong, it's a team sport. I heard him say more than once "you win as a team lose as a goalie", I thought he was joking but maybe not.
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Reply #6:
 January 31, 2023, 08:18:11 AM
Is this tier1 I've never heard of a statistician for a tier2 team? If you are just a parent that keeps stats I'd say let it go or bring it up in casual conversation but not directly to what you heard. Be like, man I think our team let the goalie down in that game and go from there. If you are the stat person and are part of the staff as such then it should be no problem to be more direct. As statistician what do you actually do that the score keeper doesn't do? Do you do whatever you do during the games or after? Just curious
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Reply #7:
 January 31, 2023, 11:36:28 AM
This is tier2. I'm a parent and part of the staff that attends the weekly staff zoom meeting. So what I do is my office manager, who is also hockey parent, and I watch our games from over the weekend on a Monday or Tuesday and breakdown where our shots/goals are taken from and where the opponents are shooting and scoring from. We look at how goals are scored - if it's a breakaway, if the goalie was screened, if it was tipped or direct shot. We track time of possession and scoring chances. For tournaments we watch 2 games of our competition for playing style and stats of each teams top 5 scorers. This is our 3rd year doing this and it's the 1st year we are not at top in the rankings, 70% of the team have been together during that time the other 30% and head coach are new. We are 9-0 in tournaments so that is paying off. Our staff includes myself, HC, 2 AC, a team photographer who takes 60-100 pics a game, and a husband-physical therapist /wife-nurse medical team that bring a legit medical bag to all games and practices. All but HC are parents on the team. All above attend the staff zoom meeting.
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Reply #8:
 January 31, 2023, 12:39:17 PM
This is tier2. I'm a parent and part of the staff that attends the weekly staff zoom meeting. So what I do is my office manager, who is also hockey parent, and I watch our games from over the weekend on a Monday or Tuesday and breakdown where our shots/goals are taken from and where the opponents are shooting and scoring from. We look at how goals are scored - if it's a breakaway, if the goalie was screened, if it was tipped or direct shot. We track time of possession and scoring chances. For tournaments we watch 2 games of our competition for playing style and stats of each teams top 5 scorers. This is our 3rd year doing this and it's the 1st year we are not at top in the rankings, 70% of the team have been together during that time the other 30% and head coach are new. We are 9-0 in tournaments so that is paying off. Our staff includes myself, HC, 2 AC, a team photographer who takes 60-100 pics a game, and a husband-physical therapist /wife-nurse medical team that bring a legit medical bag to all games and practices. All but HC are parents on the team. All above attend the staff zoom meeting.
Is this true or satire? What age level do you do all of this for? This kind of management would make college and junior programs look like amateurs how can you possibly have that kind of time available to do all of that do you work?
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Reply #9:
 January 31, 2023, 01:20:34 PM
This is tier2. I'm a parent and part of the staff that attends the weekly staff zoom meeting. So what I do is my office manager, who is also hockey parent, and I watch our games from over the weekend on a Monday or Tuesday and breakdown where our shots/goals are taken from and where the opponents are shooting and scoring from. We look at how goals are scored - if it's a breakaway, if the goalie was screened, if it was tipped or direct shot. We track time of possession and scoring chances. For tournaments we watch 2 games of our competition for playing style and stats of each teams top 5 scorers. This is our 3rd year doing this and it's the 1st year we are not at top in the rankings, 70% of the team have been together during that time the other 30% and head coach are new. We are 9-0 in tournaments so that is paying off. Our staff includes myself, HC, 2 AC, a team photographer who takes 60-100 pics a game, and a husband-physical therapist /wife-nurse medical team that bring a legit medical bag to all games and practices. All but HC are parents on the team. All above attend the staff zoom meeting.
Is this true or satire? What age level do you do all of this for? This kind of management would make college and junior programs look like amateurs how can you possibly have that kind of time available to do all of that do you work?
This is not satire. We are a pure 07 team from North Western New York. We paly 15AA in the States and 16A in Canada. I own my own business installing state of the art security systems, home entertainment systems and lighting but I don't really work my 9 employees do it for me. We decided to get serious like this because of playing in Canada and talking to their parents. The physical therapist on the team is also our teams conditioning coach. The 7-0 loss we had I mentioned in the other post was against a Canadian Prep School JV team, talk about a production. They came in and set up 3 cameras, 2 stationary and one mobile with a commentator for their live pod cast for the families up North. We make a video every year for each player to send into Junior and College teams, anything we can do to help them is worth it. I found this page years ago when a bunch of kids were looking for a Spring Tournament team and enjoyed the banter over the years. I'm glad guest can comment once again, hopefully people won't blow it.
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