Not sure either of these situations help with controlling the kids.
I was working the box one game and overheard a ref tell our coach after the game that he held off giving a kid another penalty because it knew it was going to be his 5th(or whatever the threshold is) penalty. Kid was mouthing off to the other team as he was going to box and could have gotten a misconduct, but the ref felt bad that he would be suspended for a game.
Another time I was getting the scoresheet ready before the game and was talking to the coach of the other team and he told me he was suspended for this one. He said that there was a scuffle at the end of their game the day before, with the kids from his team being the main aggressors. The ref said to him, I could get 3 of your players for throwing punches which would get them suspended, but I don't really want to do that, how about you get suspended for 1 game instead. That team had already had a bunch of penalties during the game so the ref was able to call enough roughings and misconducts at the end to push them over 15 which got the coach suspended.
I've also overheard refs debating giving a fighting vs roughing, not because they felt bad about them getting kicked out of game and suspended, but because of the paperwork they have to fill out with a fighting major. The one guy was like, I really don't feel like doing that, lets going with roughing.